So just about everyone is celebrating some kind of win or mourning some kind of loss today.
I'm doing both: I'm ecstatic about Obama's win last night (despite falling asleep before/during his speech).
And I'm deeply disappointed about how Prop 8 went--and disturbed that one deep pocketed minority group essentially bought a new line in the California state constitution. Regardless of how people feel about gay marriage, that kind of political imperialism should disturb EVERYONE who cherishes the democratic process.
I was listening to NPR yesterday on the way in to work and commentators were discussing the matter of being a gracious winner and a gracious loser.
I am aware that there are some in my immediate family and circle of friends who feel differently on both of the above issues. (For instance, my MIL, whom I adore, expressed how scared she was about Obama winning. So how do I have a political conversation with her without being a jerk?)
My hope is that we can talk through our respective losses without the winners gloating too loudly or the losers letting bitterness or animosity take over. (Know that I say this as much to myself as to anyone else reading).
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You're correct to say this: We all need to be gracious and conciliatory.
Though, on the matter of Prop 8, I'm not sure I can be either of those. I hope Mormons who were opposed to their church's involvement in this political slander will walk with their feet and their tithing money. If I thought resigning my membership would make a difference (which, who am I kidding, it won't), I'd do it today.
As for my father's sister-in-law and the widow of his late brother who gave $2,500 to the church's cause, she's never welcome in my home again. Ever. I refuse to entertain bigots.
I don't think I can draw the same line, but I did offset my dad's yes donation with my own matching donation to No on 8. I figured I could at least balance the scales that way.
Isn't it ironic that the movement to "protect marriage" has undermined 18,000 legal California marriages?
I'm none too conciliatory about Prop 8. Actually, not at all. I try to keep a cool head, but I'm really quite angry.
My own mom was all scared about Obama winning. I hardly know what to make of that. She has really changed since moving to Utah.
- Di
I'm sure I'd be far angrier if I was living in CA and had been hearing the pro-8 drumbeat for the past year.
I'll be attending the protest tonight near Temple Square. I think that will be a good way to let off some No on 8 steam with a crowd of folks who feel the same--and who aren't going away or staying silent.
On family, I think I'm just not going to say anything about Prop 8 with mom and dad. I already vented to my mom about how immoral it was to donate millions of dollars to this cause when there are so many people in need.
Hi Mary!
I also am ecstatic about Obama's win. I cried tears of joy when I heard the news and I still get choked up about it. As my 13-year-old niece said, "We're watching history, and it's so cool!"
Now, about Prop H8, I am none too happy. John and I both voted no on it, and I can't believe that the majority of our fellow Californians voted for institutionalized hate and discrimination. What next? Will they tell us we can't be together because we're a mixed couple? That I, as a woman, can't vote? What's the next step?
As for talking politics with your MIL, I'd say don't do it. There are certain topics which just shouldn't be discussed sometimes, and this is a time when you should probably just offer a kind, "I don't wish to discuss that topic with you." No other explanation should be needed.
Hope you guys are doing well.
Personally, I supported Prop. 8, but it was a difficult decision for me, and I do not gloat in its victory. I recognize this issue caused real pain for many Californians (and others). I have my reasons for supporting it, but none of them involve a dislike or hatred of anyone in the gay community. Part of the problem, I think, is that the recently-pronounced "right" was too new, and too fragile, to have any political legitimacy, and the proponents of same-sex marriage have not made any kind of compelling argument as to why same-sex marriage should be afforded the same level of respect/approval/promotion as other race and gender-based civil rights. This was a big problem with the African-American community, who overwhelmingly reject attempts to appropriate the language and legacy of the Black Civil Rights Movement for the gay rights movement. Prop. 8 was supported by 70% of that community. In fact, it was supported by nearly every demographic in the state except for White Urban voters. That is a big disconnect that proponents of same-sex marriage need to get a handle on.
Unfortunately, I think these protests -- especially the ones targeting specific religious groups -- are counterproductive and alienating those moderate voters whose support proponents of same-sex marriage need, not only to pass future legislation, but to legitimize any future court rulings such as that which was overturned by the passage of Prop. 8. Shrill cries of "hate" (or "H8") and "bigotry" are largely falling on deaf ears -- or are actively turning folks away from supporting same-sex marriage -- because they don't reflect any effort to understand how ordinary Californians could approach this issue from a non-bigoted point of view. Unless proponents of same-sex marriage can recognize that fact, and it is a fact, they will never succeed in changing hearts and minds on this issue.
~Eric O
Some good points, Eric.
I don't like seeing the upset turn into Mormon hate. The level of LDS involvement sure makes it a large target, though.
I think it misses the larger point about what a well-heeled minority group can do to change a state constitution. IMO, that should worry people a lot more than gay marriage.
Yes, I agree that the involvement of such a large number of Mormons makes them/us big targets. But if the issue was about money raised, or out-of-state donations, then Prop. 8 should have failed. No on 8 raised substantially more money -- including more out-of-state money -- than did Yes on 8. It also had numerous high-profile endorsements, it ran more ads, it had the backing of every major newspaper in the state, and it benefitted from a sympathetic AG (Brown) who changed the ballot title late in the game to begin with the words "Eliminates Rights." And yet, Prop. 8 still passed by a 5% margin. That result cannot be attributed to Mormon involvement alone, or even predominantly. I think Mormons have become convenient scapegoats because of (1) perceived monolithic behavior, and (2) they are an easy target with a history that makes their involvement in this issue more than a tad ironic.
I don't think you can explain away a 70% support rate among African-Americans, or a high support rate among Latinos, by calling out the Mormons on this.
~EO
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