Kitty Joys

Joy # 2: finding two or more kitties curled up next to me when I wake up.

The Joy Thing

A FB friend posted a December 1 status update saying he was going to say one thing he was joyful about every day in December.

It sounds like a nice exercise, steering one's thoughts toward joy daily. I could use some of that.

And yet, I'd rather write about things that I feel joy about HERE instead of on FB. Can't quite explain why. Maybe because FB is SO public and I'd rather share things that bring me joy with a more intimate group.

We'll see how far I get; after all, I said I was going to blog every day in November.

What brought me joy today: my mug of Good Earth herbal tea with vanilla soy milk swirling therein. I love pouring a slow stream of soy milk/cream/milk into a cup of tea and watching as it clouds up from the bottom and burbles to the top and eventually permeates the whole cup.

It also ties in with good tea times with girlfriends--and guy friends. The last time I saw Lee Gibson, we did a session and afterward went to tea at The Sussex Teapot. When Lee moved his office to Garden Grove, a tea shop within walking distance helped ease the transition.

Ida-ho!

We're packed up and on the road. Will dine with in-laws in Idaho.

It's a three-ish hour drive, but I'm sure it will seem longer. Why, you ask? Because the dog is with us and he has gas.

Feeling much better, thank you

Yesterday, Mike and I went to a counseling appointment in the morning and texted back and forth during the day.

I skipped work, talked to my mom, went to acupuncture, spent some time with a great friend who fed me, listened to me vent, and offered some helpful observations and a new tool to play with.

When I got back to Ogden, Mike was home and we talked about how we feel about each other and wanting to really work on the trouble spots in our relationship. Hugs and tears all around. There's still a lot of work ahead for both of us and we're committed to doing it.

Will be going to Idaho for Thanksgiving as planned. Just found out my MIL Sue was in the hospital overnight for a heart problem, but she's being discharged this afternoon and will go home where we'll take care of her (instead of the other way around).

Thanks again for your words of support. Rough patches in relationships are tough and it's nice to have supportive friends when the road gets bumpy.

Broken

Long argument today. Said lots of regretable things. Feeling like setting things right is all but impossible. Eyes nearly swollen shut from hours of crying. Going to bed alone because Mike packed a bag and left, saying he was tired of getting the shit kicked out of him (his descriptor for any disagreement between us).

I'm sure he feels justified for leaving. He interprets virtually everything I say as an attack--regardless of subject matter. He's tired of living like this. I'm tired of having an emotionally checked out husband; it's like being single again.

And I feel like I have no one to talk to. I suspect that the friends I've confided in are tired of hearing about our marital problems and wonder why I just don't get out already. I didn't get through to either of the two therapists I called tonight for emotional triage. My mom is dealing with news that her best friend's cancer has recurred, so I don't want to wallop her with more bad news.

I'm hoping sleep will bring at least some temporary relief.

Stupid Effing Cancer, Part Deux

My mom called this morning to let me know that one of her oldest/dearest friends just found out that her cancer had metastasized. Nancy been treated for breast cancer last year, got through the treatments fine and we were all hoping she was out of the woods.

What sad, sad news to hear otherwise.

Apparently, the cancer has spread to her spine and has been causing her a lot of pain lately. It's too early to know what her doctors plan to do, treatment-wise.

Nancy and my mom met and became friends more than 30 years ago. Nancy's daughters are the same age as my brother and I and we all attended grammar school at San Gabriel Christian School. As kids, we slumber partied and celebrated birthdays together and ran around each other's houses. We also introduced Nancy and the kids to Mormonism and they joined the church.

When Nancy remarried and moved, the kids saw a little less of each other, but our moms stayed in touch. My mom and Nancy saw each other through some particularly challenging years and experiences. Eventually, Nancy moved back and my mom helped get her a job in the volunteer program in my old school district; when my mom retired, Nancy took over running the program and did a lot of great things.

In the past few months, I've reconnected with Nancy's daughters, Jamie and Kristi via FaceBook. A few years back, I happened to be in California at the same time Jamie was and got to participate in her oldest child's baptism. It was pretty amazing to see how her family has grown and think back to when we were friends that age.

So add another name to the list of people I love who were/are afflicted with cancer. Most recently, that's been Lee Gibson, Chester Papiewski, and now Nancy W.

Cancer sucks. Grieving is hard. I've been crying at my desk for the past hour or so. I still well up thinking about or mentioning Lee Gibson. My heart hurts; it hasn't had a chance to recover between blows/new cancer diagnoses. Stupid fucking cancer.

(And a nod to Shirley Mott, my former YW leader and ward stalwart whose memorial service is tomorrow. She and her husband, Ray, were one of the backbone couples in the old Rosemead ward).

Yeah, write.

So I've missed a week of writing. Good thing I'm not attempting that write-a-novel-in-November thing some of my friends are doing. But I'll do a recap of the past week, as it is somewhat novel-like in having some dramatic twists and turns.

Thursday 11/12

The day Mike and I depart for Sunstone Northwest in Seattle. Though he gets home late and we leave three hours later than planned, I do not get all bent out of shape.

We only got as far as La Grande, OR that night. Was a bit more perturbed that Mike left the car idling for 45 minutes at a truck stop while he tried to track down a place to stay on my iPhone. Checked in, applied pajamas, read some Sarah Vowell, and fell asleep.

Friday 11/13

Found the "continental breakfast" in the hotel left much to be desired. Four kinds of donuts, two kinds of bagels, OJ, apple juice, coffee, tea. I grabbed a bagel and some cream cheese, poured an OJ and brewed myself a Tazo tea. Made the mistake of using the powdered creamer--yetch.

Long, quiet drive. Snowed in all the passes between Pendleton and Seattle, yet when we got to the city, it was sunny, clear and gorgeous.

Checked into hotel, ate dinner at Duke's (famous clam chowders), picked up some snack at Trader Joe's, and drove to Wendy's house for a pre-symposium social.

Saturday 11/14

Sunstone Northwest! Got to the venue a little late because Mike missed a turn and we ended up on a highway into downtown with no opportunity to turn around. Just the thing to kick off the morning. At venue, set up chairs, tables, AV stuff, books, and readied for the hordes.

Symposium went well overall--good speakers, a nice mix of topics, decent audience.

The venue was cold all day; someone forgot to override the weekend AWAY settings for the heat during the day. And the venue booker "forgot" that we paid extra to have the venue until 7:00 pm and booked another group to come in at 6:00 pm. That group arrived at 5:15 pm, thinking they had the venue starting at 5:30 pm. Fun to have a rugby team milling in the hallways waiting for us to wrap up.

After party at Molly's was nice--good pizza and conversation. Back at hotel by 10:00 pm. I took a hot bath and blissed out until Mike came in asking if I wanted some ice cream; this disoriented me. I couldn't get back to drowsy after that, so I jammified and went to bed.

Sunday 11/15

Up somewhat early because we had to drive the whole way back in one day. This hotel's breakfast had more options--cereal, milk, pastries, instant oatmeal, fresh fruit. Hit the road; much more snow had fallen and there were travel advisories in effect.

I took over driving and ended up with just enough gas to get to La Grande again, at which time we discovered messages on our phones from Mike's mom saying Mike's oldest sister was missing. Car gone, dogs gone, no one had seen her since Friday. Worrisome. We call to get the scoop. BIL Matt had broken into Jan's house to get an idea of where she'd gone.

We get back on the road with this sobering news. About an hour later, MIL Sue calls to say Jan showed up at Sunday dinner late; she'd been doing paperwork at the Rexburg office (after telling family that she wasn't working weekends there anymore). All is swell.

I sleep through more of the drive; stop in Twin Falls for gas and end up having Wendy's for dinner. Too much effort to scout out non-fast-food options. Arrived home shortly after midnight.

Monday 11/16

We had an 8:00 am appointment, which was the reason for the hurried trip home. I rolled out of bed and put clothes on. Picked up the dog afterward and I went home and just vegged all day. Eventually showered and caught up on shows via On Demand.

Tuesday 11/17

Last lecture of our fall series: Mormon-watcher Jan Shipps lectured at the SLC Main Library on religious studies and the tools this field brings to the study of Mormonism. Met some interesting folks and enjoyed the evening. And WHEW--nothing left but the office Christmas party in 3 weeks.

Wednesday 11/18

Found that Jan's lecture had been written up in Mormon Times--a nice surprise. Trying to cross some things off my to do list, but not feeling very motivated to do anything. Catching up on my blog reading (two speakers from Seattle posted their remarks on BCC) and writing before hopping on the freeway home.

Biggest decision ahead: stop at Costco in Bountiful or in Ogden? And what friend to call on the drive home?

You want a glass or a bottle of whine?

I've been so overwhelmed leading up to this weekend's symposium in Seattle, I forgot completely just 'til this moment about getting cash out of Sunstone's account to take with us--to make change, etc.

All the banks are closed because it's Veteran's Day. And I'm not coming to the office tomorrow at all. Which means any cash we take/use at the symposium is coming out of our personal accounts.

Whyyyy didn't I remember sooooooooonerrr? Waaaaaaahhh!

It's called SAVE AS!

I work with an office manager who started her working career back when telephone numbers had words in them and the typewriter was as fancy as office equipment got.

She's S-L-O-W-L-Y adopted to more modern equipment like computers and email, but still hasn't mastered things like formatting (emails and documents often have crazyass spacing) or using computers to do repetitive tasks more efficiently (she draws out the SLC symposium schedule on legal paper with a ruler until I intervened and did it in Excel).

Several times over the past year, she's lost work on documents because she doesn't remember to rename and save attachments to her computer. She opens them up, works on them, and saves them (she thinks) but once she closes them, they're gone forever in the ether of temp files and whatever gobbledygook name/code they got when she opened them.

So this morning, we had yet another tutorial on SAVE AS. I stressed again that this is the FIRST THING she needs to do after opening an attachement. Save the document to the hard drive or desktop--wherever you'll be able to find it again--and rename it if you're adding stuff/tracking chances, etc. This goes for Excel and Word attachments. If you want the document and the work you did on it to exist later, you need to Save As.

I hope I sounded more patient than I felt whilst tutoring. I swear it seems like she's hearing this for the first time ever, even though this is probably the fourth or fifth time.

In which I ignore comon sense

Watched Food, Inc. last night and was pretty grossed out.

My dad and I drove through a cattle feed lot in Texas that was so big we literally could not see where it ended. From far away, I thought it was a car junkyard. Then we got up close and saw that it was not junk cars, but thousands of cows milling around. And the stench--WOW.

Nevertheless, I stopped at Crown Burger on the way back from an errand to Benchmark Books. Cheeseburger + fries + fry sauce = one full and slightly queasy stomach.

Whither all the locally-sourced, minimally-processed, fresh food restaurants in SLC?

Missed a day, but have plenty of post fodder

I spent Thursday and Friday on the campus of Utah Valley University at a conference on Mormon outmigration and pursuit of education.

It was a pretty interesting conference, headlined by the work of Wesley and Marian Johnson who interviewed hundreds of Mormons, many of whom left Utah to pursue educations elsewhere.

In the crowd of attendees Thursday, there was a striking older woman who caught my attention. She had on an elegant two-piece yellow dress with a gored skirt, carried a fabulous beaded purse, had a broach pinned to her collar, and had on a lovely straw hat with a silk rose on the brim. Hard to miss.

I saw her again at the reception before the final evening session at BYU Library and went up and complimented her on her amazing style. We introduced ourselves and walked into library auditorium while she told me more about herself. She introduced me to her husband and said "You must sit with us!" and said we'd need to go up front because she'd forgotten her hearing aids. I happily obliged.

Throughout the lecture, she leaned whispered asides to me; she's a costume designer and told me the approximate year a photo was taken based on the subject's facial hair or the color of the woman's dress. She was also related to a couple of the outmigrants being discussed and was long-time friends of the Johnsons and others who had presented on the conference program. It was quite interesting to have her as a seatmate.

When the presenter finished and entertained questions from the audience, my seatmate noted that many of the men who left Utah to get educations or who settled outside of Utah for work often left behind families in Utah or weren't as able to participate in family life because of school or work. (She has heard similar complaints from some women she visit teaches who feel isolated or neglected by their busy husbands--kind of like the old adage "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"). Given the long separations, how could these men or their wives be happy about living arrangements that precluded intimacy and sex?

Well, that pretty much stumped the presenter.

He stammered an answer, indicating that there were divorces and unhappy families under those circumstances. He quickly looked around for another raised hand/question so we wouldn't end with a sex question. (At the Lord's University--gasp!)

After the last question and closing prayer, my seatmate said it was lovely to meet me (likewise!), collected her husband, and breezed away homeward. I giggled with the conference organizers about her question and the difficulty of obtaining posthumous data on historical figures' sex lives.

It was one of the funnest--and funniest--parts of the conference.

Today's news

In Provo/Orem for a conference on outmigration from Utah. Ate at an awesome pizza place. Stayed up late talking to friends. Going to bed now. Oh, and I sprouted a zit on my forhead so large it makes me look like I have one of those Cromagnun (sp?) man ridges--but only above my right eyebrow.

Please do the impossible some more.

The short version is my "dream job" isn't dreamy.

While there are aspects of it I still enjoy, they are far outnumbered by the times I have to surmount Amazonian obstacles, make do without sufficient resources, and perform tasks that the guy the board fired last year used to do because they still have to be done by SOMEONE.

At the moment, the finance committee is putting together the year-end fundraising appeal--the one that needs to bring in enough $$$ to keep us open through the end of the year.

The letter is still being revised. The donation form/premiums doesn't exist on paper yet. And the schedule on which the board expects the staff to print, fold, assemble, label, stamp, and mail this puppy out is beyond unrealistic. By November 10? Riiight.

This is the most demanding week left this year. I'll be out of the office at a conference Thursday & Friday of this week--and gone Thursday and Friday of next week to run a regional symposium in Seattle. There's major symposium prep work yet to do. Do I forgo the outreach aspects of my job to do the board's bidding instead?

Success also depends on whether we can line up volunteers to help. Without existing documents or a mailing list, it's hard to say exactly how much help we'll need or when.

It's times like this that make those late-night ads for truck driving school sound rather appealing.

Stupid Effing Cancer

Just heard tonight that dear friend Chester P. has colon cancer. A friend of Chester and Marilyn put out an APB tonight asking for their friends' help.

Since I'm not in California, I can't offer to drive Chester to appointments at the VA or drop by with a casserole. It's like having an extra helping of powerlessness in the face of an already daunting situation.

Hope to catch Marilyn on the phone soon. I imagine this is messing with her LSAT studies a bit, among other things. Like life as they knew it.

Open statement to all things cancerous: LAY OFF our collective loved ones, already! Go grow on ... I dunno, rocks or something.

My attempt at writing every day in November

Well, why not? I'm not going to be all official NaPoBlog or whatever--just need the creative outlet.

Since the month started yesterday, I'll tell a story from yesterday. Mike and I got to church late (per usual) and found a couple of chairs at the back of the chapel. Two teenagers sat in front of us. They did the whole bicker/nudge thing, so I figured them for siblings.

About 10 minutes before the meeting ended, I looked up from my iPhone (aka godsend) to see the girl attempting to finger tweeze a hair out of the boy's eyebrow. Took a few attempts, but she eventually succeeded. Boy winced with pain and rubbed the spot before slapping the girl on the arm.

I've seen backrubs and canoodling at church, but not this level of personal grooming. What's next, trimming one's toenails? Flossing? Nasal irrigation?

I posted a quick FaceBook status update about the above and watched as the meeting wound down. Last speaker wraps it up. Closing hymn announced.

An older couple was sitting one row ahead of the young groomers. When the closing hymn was announced, the old guy shifted in his chair and cut loose an astonishingly loud fart.

The girl heard and looked at the boy accusingly. He mouthed "It wasn't me!" and then the battle was on to contain their laughter. The girl laughed/sang the first line of the hymn and she was out. The boy didn't even try.

By then, I was in a full blown case of the giggles that interrupted my singing and continued as the closing prayer began. The girl and boy ahead of me had calmed down by then, but I kept giggling every time I thought of what just happened.

After that episode, Sunday school was pretty tame. THANK GOD.

A New Friend

Why, yes! It's another post about FaceBook angst.

Recently, I was friended by someone I didn't know and who sent her request with an explanatory note that she hoped it was OK she friended me. She was looking for some "queer support" online that she doesn't have IRL.

Which is fine. I'm happy to be known as a queer-supporting democratic commie pinko composting recycling feminist friend of Dorothy.

I can understand if you're not getting much support from people close to you branching out to find that support from someone. (How I came to be that someone to a stranger is a bit of a mystery).

Now I'm now on the receiving end of some oversharing--the kinds of things that you might not blurt out in the first few minutes of meeting someone new. And FB chats that go on longer than I would prefer when they happen during the workday.

It's one of those classic I don't want to be rude/this is a bit much for me situations. Maybe I'll spend less time with FB open when I have to get things done.

Luther's Wake

No, not an actual wake for the dog (even though I did want to kill him last night). Rather, a description the destructive tear he's been on the past couple of weeks.

Last week, a frying pan that had been on the stove had been relocated outside to Luther's dog bed. Our house guest also saw one of Mike's 2 liters of Diet Coke in the driveway and brought it inside. Luther also absconded with one of my old tennis shoes and the super soaker squirt gun we occasionally use on the neighbor's dog. And last Thursday, I came home to find the gas stove clicking because one of the knobs had been knocked into the light position.

That last one unnerved me. I asked Mike about our fire insurance coverage. Does it cover canine malfeasance?

But it gets better--if better means that Luther has become more destructive this week than last.

Last night, I stopped by the health food store and tried to go to Costco (but forgot my membership card). Had to go to Macey's instead and wasn't able to get all the grocery items I needed. Pbbbft.

Already in irritated mode, I come home to find Luther has trashed the kitchen.

A container of cooking utensils was overturned and scattered all over the floor. One bag of tomatoes was torn open; contents strewn. Second bag of tomatoes smashed on the kitchen floor next to a splatted banana. The smoke detector cover from the guest room was gone from the kitchen counter top, as was the spoon rest. A bag of two jawbreakers was not where Mike left it, though I did find one jawbreaker on the stove top. It had skid marks by it, as if it had been used like chalk.

And one of the stove burners was clicking merrily away, again the dial knocked to the light position.

I mentioned this on FB this morning and one friend asked if Luther was getting walked regularly. No--my bad. I usually walk him in the mornings before work, but I haven't been since I got back from LA. Mike has stopped walking Luther at night; instead lets L chase the laser pointer dot all over the driveway.

We've not had good luck with dog toys. Luther is disinterested in the ones we buy. He did tear apart an old stuffed bunny that used to be a cat toy. He has 3 Kongs but they don't keep him entertained for too long.

Guess I'll need to get back on the morning walk schedule if I don't want to come home to additional dog-created mayhem.

In which I insist on--and eventually get--customer service

I've called my co-worker at home a couple of times this week; she and her husband both asked, "Why does someone else's name come up on our caller ID when you call?"

That name would be Stephanie H., former owner of my phone number. Stephanie who failed to alert her friends, family, hair stylist, dentist, car leasing company and other random people that she moved and got a new number. As a result, I get calls from all the aforementioned 14 months after the number was assigned to me.

I also get dumbass text messages about garage sales, a screening of Twilight and bargains on canned goods at a certain Ogden market. Since I don't have a texting plan, I pay to receive them and if I respond so they stop. sending. them.

Hearing that infamous Stephanie's name was coming up on caller ID was a major annoyance. So I called AT&T to get this sorted out. Since I use my Utah cell primarily for work, I need to have the right name show up when I call people.

When I finally got through to a live rep, Candace perkily said she'd be happy to help me. She checked my account and determined that this Stephanie problem occurred when I was calling land lines as opposed to other cell customers. The solution she supplied was that I would have to ask every person with land line to clear my number out of their caller ID cache.

Whaaa? How does that FIX the problem? I asked. She didn't know--that's just the answer in the script. I try to clear the cache on the upstairs extension (and can't figure out how) and Candace says I'd need to try before she can escalate it to a tech call.

So I go downstairs to try clearing the cache on the primary extension. After much button-pushing, I delete the test call I made with my cell. I inform Candace and say I can't make another test call to my land line without hanging up on her. She offers to call back in two minutes while I test call.

The test fails: there's Stephanie's name again.

Candace does call back and I ask her to escalate the call to tech support. She puts me on hold and comes back to tell me that I need to call my home phone service provider to ask them to update my phone number.

This makes even less sense than the previous solution. What do I even ask them to DO? How is that going to fix a problem that originates with MY phone? Aren't they going to refer me back to my own cell service provider? Candace says she's not in technical support, so she doesn't know the answers.

So I'm supposed to do all this extra work--and tell people I call to do extra work--to fix a problem that I'm fairly certain originates with AT&T. So I tell Candace, look, the test failed; would you please just escalate this to a tech support call?

She puts me on hold again (we're now at 25 minutes and counting) and comes back to say "Tech support won't even take the call if you haven't tried the solutions I've given you." Well, Candace, you just told me you aren't tech support, so why not lob me over to them so someone WITH technical expertise can answer my questions?

Candace grudgingly puts me on hold again. She finally comes back with a tech guy on the line. She sounds relieved to be rid of me; her "have a good night and thanks for calling AT&T Business Support!" sounds pretty forced.

I explain the problem to the tech guy and he checks his system. Sure enough, the name was never changed on the account when I took over the number.

He asks me how I want my name to read (have to negotiate because my full name is over the character limit). It will take 72 hours for the change to take effect. Can he call me on Saturday to make sure the problem is corrected? Absolutely! We sincerely thank each other and sign off.

I like resolution. I just wish it took less time and consternation.

Ooky Discovery

I should be writing my paper for an upcoming conference. I WAS working on it--going through back issues of Sunstone to find news/events of import in Mormon feminism.

I got through September 1994 when I ran across a news item about a guy was charged with stealing a first edition of the Book of Mormon from the University of Missouri.

It is HIGHLY likely this is the same guy who cornered me at Sunstone this summer, complaining that he wasn't allowed in the book sales room because those Benchmark guys hate him. He also said he had saved $10,000 and planned to use it to sue Sunstone, Benchmark, and the hotel for discrimination. (At that point, yes, I knew I had a full-on nut job on my hands).

It is also highly likely this same guy recently friended me on FaceBook. Which is making my skin crawl just a wee bit.

I accepted the request even though I was a little fuzzy on who he was because I meet a lot of people doing Sunstone and outreach and I don't always retain everyone's names. I've had a couple of people I knew fairly well (I thought) from grade school and high school respond with a blunt "Do I know you?" and I didn't want to go there.

So because I didn't ask an appropriate follow up question, I have a creepy friend. Cringe, cringe.

Writing spurt

Personal essay on step mothering, done. Paper on gender and the Restoration for next month's JWHA conference, pending. With the few creative juices I have left, I'm blogging.

Mike and I have been teaching Sunday School in our Ogden ward since January. Mostly, it's been a fun gig. We trade off teaching every other week and have been out of town for some of the more loaded lesson topics.

Neither of us wants to tackle this week's lesson: "Sealed...for time and all eternity."

It's a touchy subject for a couple of reasons. WE aren't sealed. We opted to get married in a beautiful civil ceremony conducted by a dear friend rather than get sealed/married in a Mormon temple. We could have gone the temple route if we'd wanted to, but we felt strongly about having all our loved ones present as we united our lives.

Since then, we've looked into getting sealed and have run into a couple of snags.

One, Mike is still sealed to his ex-wife. It's possible to cancel that sealing and petition for Mike and I to be sealed, but that means Mike's kids would be unsealed from their mother and only remain sealed to their dad.

None of the kids are active in the church anymore and we're not sure if the ex is, either. It's unclear to me why their interests are the focus--seemingly more than my interests as Mike's current wife. Nevertheless, Mike is unwilling to spiritually untether his kids from their mother.

Two, I am unwilling to be sealed to Mike while he's still sealed to his ex. That's a little too close to polygamy for my taste. I had thought the plan was to cancel Mike's previous sealing and petition for clearance for us to be sealed to each other.

Three, it's a total double standard. Men can be sealed to more than one woman, but women who want to remarry in the temple have to get any previous sealing canceled before the new sealing is allowed to proceed.

The result: an impasse where getting sealed is concerned. And I'm pretty pissed off about policies that have forced us between this particular rock and hard place. Being forced to choose which family stays sealed or gets unsealed doesn't feel very family-friendly to me.

I taught Sunday School last, so technically it's Mike's turn. Then again, he taught several weeks in a row when I was swamped by Sunstone symposium prep. He's asked, "Do I really have to teach tomorrow?" a couple of times today.

To which I replied that I thought the person who's less angry about the subject of sealing ought to be the one to teach it.

Memory Lane

Late last night, I finished writing an essay for an anthology on motherhood--in my case, stepmotherhood. The acquaintance who is putting together the anthology didn't have any stepmothers representing in her first volume of mothering essays and was glad to include my voice in volume two.

Whilst writing said essay, I did a lot of archival research--looking at blog posts and emails about my travails and triumphs as a stepmom. The triumphs are still vastly outnumbered by the travails, but looking back at how things were when I first met Mike's kids and the speed bumps during their initial visits made me realize how far we've come.

Brad and Jessica hug me hello and goodbye voluntarily and seem interested in interacting with me--even when Mike isn't around. Nicole is a bit warmer these days. Jackie remains the persistent outlier and sometimes seems deliberate in trying to avoid interacting with me. Too bad; since she changed her major to English, we could have a lot to talk about.

There are still annoyances--like Nicole taking our IKEA catalog and borrowing shampoo that she didn't give back. (The latter sounds really petty I'm sure, but I was actually more annoyed that she hadn't asked for toiletries at our house where I could have readily, easily, and happily supplied her needs).

We still overbuy junk food, eat out more often, and spend way more money than planned when the kids are visiting. However, I've lowered my insane June Cleaver-like pre-visit cleaning standards; I've now relaxed to the point that my only mandatory task is making sure the beds all have clean sheets.

Jackie and Jessica visited right before the Salt Lake Symposium, so I didn't have it in me to stress about their visit. I barely saw them at all that week. Brad and Nicole accompanied us to Yellowstone and drove back to Missouri in the minivan so Jessica could use it as her high school car.

While we still don't have the warm, close relationships I first envisioned for our blended family, things have gotten better over the past three years.

Oh, and I used to write some really funny shit on this blog. Why did I ever stop?

How to piss me off, part deux

1. Though the preliminary program has been available for a month and has been updated online, wait until TODAY to say two of your panelists' names have been left off.

2. Ask me if I ever received their bios. (No, in fact this is the first I've ever heard that these two were supposed to be part of your session).

3. Expect me to make a change in the final program without providing any of the needed information.

Want to know how to piss me off?

1. Volunteer to be a respondent to a symposium presentation. You have subject matter expertise and the presenter expected you'd be the respondent because of this.

2. One week later, start whining about how the respondent gig is "too close" to another session you're involved in and it's more literary in tone than you're comfortable with.

3. Don't actually say NO, I CAN'T/WON'T DO IT.

4. Instead, suggest names of other people who could fill in (who are already participating in more symposium sessions than you are).

5. All of which make more work for me

a. two days before the deadline for all program changes
b. when I am SWAMPED chasing down other people's missing info
c. when I have NO help (volunteer or otherwise) at the office

6. Tell me how busy YOU are and expect sympathy or that I'll make it easy for you to wriggle off the hook.

7. Say you want to rewrite the info for the ONE session you are still doing because you hate being the only one listed who doesn't have a graduate degree (never mind that this is true).

8. Not actually GIVE me the rewrite, but go on about all the other projects you're in the middle of/past deadline on/whatever.

Because all of this--when I'm stressed to the hilt and trying to keep track of a million other details for 100+ conference sessions over four days and there's still a ton of missing items and I'm up against a press deadline that CANNOT shift to accommodate lackadaisical folks--just makes me want to go David Banner on your ass.

Blasts from the past

Hiya. Looks like the 'ol blog isn't QUITE dead.

Had two encounters with my past lives recently, both involving FaceBook (hence the need to write about/process elsewhere).

The first was a former student of mine who saw my name in a mutual friend's FB list and contacted me. Initially, I had no idea who he was; we have the same last name, so I friended him thinking maybe he was a long-lost relation or something. Soon after, he wrote on my wall, saying he'd just ran across a certificate I gave him, congratulating him on finally putting punctuation inside the quotation marks. That connected the dots. Kinda fun to hear back from him lo these many years later.

The second encounter just happened. My best friend from high school just sent me a friend request.

This is the same best friend who, after graduation, suddenly wanted nothing to do with me, dropped several of her oldest and closest friends, didn't invite me to or even tell me about her wedding (and involved other mutual friends in the secret keeping), and left me wondering for years if I'd done something hideously wrong as a friend to be treated this way.

Twenty-three years later, she wants to be friends and get in touch with me. I don't know what to make of it. And like I have time to be thinking/blogging about this when I have a huge symposium to pull together.

Where the hell did April go?

Since my last post, I've done two Sunstone regional conferences--Sunstone West in the Bay Area and Sunstone Midwest in Independence, Missouri.

I also got sick at both conferences--felled by an ill-timed sinus infection at the first event which resurged coincident with staying up late preparing remarks and packing for the second. By the time we left MO, I was near-zombie.

We had to file an extension for our taxes this year and we got a letter asking for additional documentation on our 2006 filings. Turns out, that was the year Mike fortuitously bought the audit insurance so our "people" are handling it all for us. Lord knows where the box is with the 2006 taxes, so Whew!

In the midst of all this fun, we acquired a house guest. For six weeks. I did not know the proposed length of stay when I agreed to this. In future, I will ask for start date and end date--and reserve the right to veto any stay longer than two weeks for non-family members.

Did I mention we got a dog? I uploaded pictures to FaceBook as we were filling out the adoption paperwork, but can't recall if I mentioned it here. He's a 6 month old German Shepherd named Luther (Mike calls him Rex Luther). I'm not a dog person, but this one has captured my heart.

Any minute now, I'll become an aunt! Cristina's due date is May 13, but I talked to brother John last night and he doesn't think the little guy will wait that long. Cristina wanted the baby to be born in May and it looks like she'll get her wish. I hope the baby is born before we leave for Istanbul May 8!

That's the other big news. I need to pack and find my passport and line up cat sitters and all kinds of things before next Friday. Oh, and figure out how we're getting to the airport--unless we want the car to sit in long-term parking that long.

Also have a slew of things to do for the upcoming Salt Lake Sunstone Symposium, four months away. Alas, I keep getting sidetracked by surprises or requests. I just want to unplug the office phone and lock one of my co-workers in the basement so I can get things done (or at least not have his surprise projects devour more of my precious time)!

Mostly, I want a nap and not to have to cook anything for the next week.

What's in a week?

Monday: arrived at the office to find another break in--number five in a year. Stolen: my dual monitors, an old TV, and the vacuum cleaner. Carol and I both found random items missing from our desk drawers. Robbers nabbed a pack of candy cigarettes from my top drawer (but left the Thin Mints) and Carol reported missing work gloves and granola bar.

Needless to say, not much work happened Monday.

Tuesday: I worked from home in the morning. Mike set up my office CPU at home and I was able to get things done that required no Internet. I went to SLC in the afternoon to pick up supplies I needed for Wednesday.

Wednesday: Gave away Sunstone magazine at the Weber State women's fair. Got to talk to a lot of people about Sunstone. One asked why we don't sell Sunstone at Deseret Book? They're just not that into us?

After the fair wrapped, I met Mike and Jessica at the house and they talked me into going to the pound to see a dog they'd seen there the day before. After some negotiations, a ruddy German shepherd came home with us. Yowza.

Thursday: I'm working from home in the morning and headed to the office in the afternoon. I have some working files on my laptop, but realize too late that the work I thought I'd saved to the network was saved only on the computer in Ogden. Sigh. I do the best I can. At home, Jessica had already eaten so we ended up going to Blockbuster for videos (and a poster of Edward she was smitten with). Mike comes home late from class and we all retire.

Friday: [are you exhausted yet?] Jessica's flight left in the morning, so we all trooped to SLC. Dog's first day alone/outside. Mike had to go back to campus for a meeting. I stayed at the office trying to work out the kinks of new Quark software and having to do extra installs to be able to print, etc. Sunstone West is close at hand and there's a ton to do--not great timing for all the extra time and energy sucks of the week. Took the train home, but instead of working, I caught up on Go Fug Yourself's version of March Madness.

Saturday: trying to keep the dog off our bed is a major undertaking. The crate I bought is not for crate training (WTF?). And I found that the dog pooped twice and peed once in the guestroom, necessitating a trip to buy nature's miracle TODAY.

I'm teaching Sunday school tomorrow and have not yet cracked the material, plus there's loads to do for Sunstone West.

Any wonder this week seemed interminable?

Numbing Disappointment

With a To Do list that never seems close to being done, you'd think I'd be happy when one item drops off, right?

Not so much.

Last fall, I scoped out a foundation that makes grants to non-profits in the western U.S. and planned to apply during their spring grant cycle.

Started amassing the information. Updated a policy they require with all applications. Formulated ideas about specific projects with concrete goals and objectives. Emailed the administrator to ask a question (as the web site suggested) about how to organize the proposal when it covered three specific projects.

The admin wrote back to say I should not put in a proposal at all. They are not funding any new organizations this year and will be cutting funding to groups they already work with.

I started bawling.

I had TOTALLY been counting those unhatched chickens. Never mind that I've never written a grant proposal in my life. I have great ideas. I'm an excellent writer. Surely, they'd see the merit in my proposal.

So, one less thing to do in the upcoming week. And I'm completely bummed to cross it off my list.

Turbo Blogging

Two things I've decided will help save my sanity during busy season: fitting in 30 minutes of exercise a day (even if it's in three 10-minute increments) and doing a little turbo blogging--whatever rant or quick bitch I can throw together in 10 minutes or less. It will mean more frequent posts for the three or four readers who have not already abandoned hope.

Today's turbo blog is about brand loyalty. I normally go for generics when product A is indistinguishable in most respects from product B (i.e. canned beans, stock, onion soup mix). I'm more likely to pledge my aligience to specific products if:

1) I grew up using them (Dove soap, A1 Steak Sauce)

2) If it's recommended by physicians (Cetaphil, shampoos to control scalp problems)

Or 3) if it's the product that first introduced me to the genre (Playtex tampons).

Regarding that last example, I recently forewent brand loyalty for a bigger box/better bargain on Kotex tampons at COSTCO.

Big mistake.

Kotex had the paper wrapper and flushable applicator--perfect trappings for the environmentally friendly gal I aim to be. And the bigger box/better price I mentioned.

Sadly, they do not perform as well as my former brand. Now I'm stuck with a ginormous box of a product I don't like.

Thrift will NOT win over comfort and performance again. Period.

Overwhelmed

I know, another long stretch of not blogging.

I have scads of material, including a great Sunstone regional in DC, traipsing around with Tewkesbury afterward, impending aunthood, and a really weird dream about a balcony collapse inside the Salt Lake Temple, after which no one would help me or the other two injured people, forcing me to text reporters I know at the SLTribune and Deseret News for some actual HELP.

But after spending all day at work on the computer answering emails, planning conferences, creating programs, and fielding whatever surprises there are at the office, I just wanna UNPLUG at home.

The only reason I'm managing to post this is by writing on my lunch "hour," not exactly a sacrosanct escape from the piles of work on my desk.

I could spend every waking minute toiling on my own massive To Do lists and never run short on work. I also end up handling a lot of extra stuff by virtue of being IN the office. For example, today I was going to finish a flier for an upcoming conference, start plugging information into its program template, process survey results and write up my reports for a meeting on Friday.

Instead of making meaningful progress on those fronts, I've been dealing with a) the sudden disappearance of our BLOG, b) a co-worker's surprise commitment of organizational resources, and c) hearing that two of our recording devices are missing, at which point I dissolved into a burst of wearied tears.

Item A I can do nothing to fix--just hope our tech wizards can figure out what's wrong.

Item B turns out to have less of an impact than I originally thought/feared, but it's not a commitment I would have made.

Item C I'm at a loss to deal with at all. After the last break in, I took two recorders home and someone else took home the other four. This person now says there are only two with him. At $800 a pop, it's not like we can afford replacements.

And if that wasn't enough interruption, I keep getting phone solicitations about our banking and Internet service.

In short, not a Dream Job day.

New Record of Not Blogging

Yeah. It's been a while.

Everything after Thanksgiving was pretty much a blur, thanks to the following:

--getting ready for the DC Sunstone Symposium January 30-31
--realizing I'm behind on Sunstone West
--going to Texas for a week of house painting/indoor camping
--getting home in time for the Christmas rush of concerts, family events, and Sunday evening shopping (not at all crowded!)
--a very white Christmas
--Christmas Eve dinner at the megaplex food court & a showing of Seven Pounds
--Late services at the Episcopal church next door after the movie
--cleaning and prepping for a week with the two youngest step kids
--my laptop crapping out again and no tech guy available until January 5
--another trip to Idaho Falls to hang out with Grandma Sue and all the in-laws
--a thermostat that broke the night we left for Idaho and kept the house a sultry 96 degrees the whole time we were gone
--Jackie leaving her ID in the Crown Burger restroom and having to rush back from the airport to retrieve it and barely making the flight to STL

The fun stuff:

--Sleeping in Christmas Day
--Our memory foam mattress topper--delicious sleep
--Making German pancakes for an appreciative crowd on New Year's Day
--Jackie & Jessica getting me Becoming Jane for Christmas
--Cosby knocking over the Christmas tree and chewing up one of the ornaments
--Belatedly celebrating Jessica's 16th birthday at Red Robin
--Jackie stopping to listen instead of texting while Grandma Sue was telling a story
--Jessica being talkative and fun and having a great time with the kitties
--Our comic book character movie marathon that wasn't really a marathon (one movie each night instead of all three on NYE)
--Picking genres and movies for the marathon via mass voting by cell phone

And between the time I started this post and finishing it, I got my all-better laptop back from the tech guy. Maybe I'll get all crazy and set up my office rather than laptopping on the dining room table.