Between the Traumaversary of 9/11, news of a friend's death, rain damage to the house, the reality sinking in that I live in South Texas, don't have any friends here, and spend most of my time alone, it's been a rough week.
Add in that I'm unemployed and adjusting to being financially dependent on someone else after being independent for many years. And apparently I have a weird housewife gene that makes me feel like I have to have SOMETHING to show for the way I spent my time--and on the days I don't, I feel like a slug. Where did that come from?!
After getting pep talk calls from my mom and mother-in-law and making calls to several friends, I felt better. I did get out of the house and take care of a few things this week. (Watching Jon Stewart helps, too).
I've decided that part of my readjustment process will be making good use (if not outright abusing) our unlimited long distance calling. So don't be surprised if I reach out and touch y'all more often than I have been.
I'm also going to be honest about how hard this transition is. When I moved to Ohio a decade ago without knowing anyone there, it was for grad school. I worked, went to school, went to church, made friends (and enemies), and settled in. But it was also intended to be temporary.
This move is permanent. And while there are many things to be happy about (adoring husband, affordable housing, untapped opportunities, and the one Thai restaurant yet to try), I'm still struggling with the permanence of it. Wondering if I'll make friends as dear as the ones in LA. Wondering when (if?) I'll find meaningful work. Wondering how to embrace this place and make peace with being here for the long haul.
I know I'm not the only one who's ventured into the great Unknown. What has helped you adjust to a major change of venue?
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5 comments:
hey, have a baby! have two (at once!) heck, have four in five years! even with birth control it can be done! I know! trust me, you'll never be bored or lonely again. or, in the short term, if you can change your rodent outlook, rats make great companions! i've become quite close to our two little pets.
seriously though you, me, same boat. I moved from one coast to the other to marry Peter. When we settled in Pasadena I didn't know one other soul besides him. But you kow how wonderful the ward and people there are, plus I had a job (just one to begin with, then I had twins) and slowly discovered what an amazing place full of amazing people my new home was. I missed New York so much, but I soon came to love Pasadena and California. Now we are here for good (a bit further south, granted) and I couldn't be happier. I just know as soon as you are able to assimilate a bit, you are going to find a whole wealth of wonderful people and things that will make your new surroundings feel like home. I can't wait to hear all about them!! so...hang in there and know its okay to miss your old life, but don't miss your new life for it.
Moving and change can be tough, especially when the move is to what seems, by all appearances, to be a foreign country. Overcoming culture shock is a huge challenge.
Everytime I've moved to a place, I've tried to follow advice I was given the first time I moved to Virginia: give it one year. I know you're making a couple of trips back to L.A. for various family and friend events, but after those are over in October/November, I wouldn't leave Texas until at least next September. It takes about a year to get into the groove in a new place and to get your feet under you. If you keep leaving, and especially if you keep going back to L.A., it'll just make it harder.
As for the 'permanence' of the place, it's very likely true that you'll in Texas for some time. (And I'm sure right now, it feels like you're going to be there FOREVER...) But remember: when Mike accepted the job in McAllen, he was looking at a life of singularity, not duality. I would think, given his tenure track and his area of specialization, coupled with his marriage to you, that in several years, he'd be open to moving to a more urban setting.
In the meantime, burn up those phone lines, but also try to get out and explore. Texas has some interesting history. Heather's right: it's okay to miss your life in California, but don't let it keep you from missing the life you're going to get to have in Texas, too!
Twins do run in our family...
I guess some of it is just now sinking in. All the changes happened is such a compressed amount of time, I didn't have a chance to process each as it happened. Quitting work, the wedding, the honeymoon, the move--all in six weeks. My head's still spinning.
We have met some wonderful people who have been warm and welcoming. But it will take more time to find friends--the ones who will go out for Thai food and chick flicks, ones who'll want to be in a book group, ones who can be trusted confidantes.
We don't have any more trips planned after October, so I'll get that uninterrupted starter year in Texas for sure.
And with gas prices at $2.33, we can probably do some road tripping around the area.
Yeah, if you'd just have a baby you'd have PEEE-lenty to do around the house!
It is weird to be financially dependent on another person. But just one among all the other changes for you, wow!
I do hope you find friends and a sense of community, though. Just put on your anthropologist hat and enjoy whatever gifts the Texans have to offer.
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