Long argument today. Said lots of regretable things. Feeling like setting things right is all but impossible. Eyes nearly swollen shut from hours of crying. Going to bed alone because Mike packed a bag and left, saying he was tired of getting the shit kicked out of him (his descriptor for any disagreement between us).
I'm sure he feels justified for leaving. He interprets virtually everything I say as an attack--regardless of subject matter. He's tired of living like this. I'm tired of having an emotionally checked out husband; it's like being single again.
And I feel like I have no one to talk to. I suspect that the friends I've confided in are tired of hearing about our marital problems and wonder why I just don't get out already. I didn't get through to either of the two therapists I called tonight for emotional triage. My mom is dealing with news that her best friend's cancer has recurred, so I don't want to wallop her with more bad news.
I'm hoping sleep will bring at least some temporary relief.
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5 comments:
Aw, honey. Sending lots of hugs your way.
ME, you can make it through. Really. I believe that (and it's not like Russell and I have had a completely bump-free marriage). Or at the very least, I'm hoping you can. And if that doesn't work, know that Russell and I are here for you, if you ever need us.
Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
Mary Ellen, for what it's worth: call. Or write. We--Melissa, the gang, me--care for you, love you, respect the hell out of you. That doesn't mean that we can't imagine you possibly being in the wrong, but it does mean that you'll find sympathetic ears and open arms. Everyone's hard times are different, but seeing as many of us have had our own hard times, maybe we'll be able to draw upon that to find something you can use. And, if not, at least you'll have our ears. God bless you; I pray that things will find some resolution soon.
Sounds like a hard situation. May you find the best way through it.
Thanks, everyone.
Things have improved since Sunday night. Details to follow.
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