Mental Ward

OK, that is a bit harsh. But my feelings about this new ward run such a gamut, it makes me wonder: Is it me? Or is it them? In all likelihood, both. Here are some of the contributing experiences:

Exhibit A: I'm called to be RS secretary. En route to my first weeknight presidency meeting, the education counselor (in Sunday garb) indirectly chides me for wearing pants. It didn't remotely occur to me that there was a dress code. Later the RS president explained Sunday dress is necessary in case we go visiting less active sisters after our meeting.

I get the feeling that appearance trumps substance and feel angsty/resentful about compulsory church attire. To date, we've NEVER gone visiting after a presidency meeting and after a while, everyone else started wearing pants.

Exhibit B: I try to start a book group with the church ladies. Only one shows up to the first meeting. We hammer out a 3-month reading schedule and I send it out. The RS president shows up on my doorstep because she's "concerned" about the first selection (Memoirs of Geisha). She's never read it herself, but that doesn't stop her from discussing her concerns with the bishop--oh, and then with me.

Rather than be micromanaged by people who 1) don't attend book group, 2) can't appreciate the literary merit of books they have not read themselves or 3) advocate reading "approved" literature (meaning Deseret Books), I opted to disaffiliate book group from RS. The group is open to church ladies but I'm not supposed to publicize book group at church or in the RS newsletter or calendar.

Exhibit C: The ward bars the doors and no one is allowed in the chapel after the sacrament hymn starts. I've never attended a ward that slams the doors on latecomers without sending sacrament passers out to the lobby.

I've been on both sides of the chapel doors and I think it's an atrocious practice. Not only does it penalize the late arrivals but it is profoundly unChristlike.

Exhibit D: Despite instructions from SLC, the ward has fast & testimony meeting on Easter Sunday with no Easter music, no Easter speakers, precious little acknowledgement and no apology. After 9 years of amazing Easter programs in Pasadena Ward, this was seriously depressing.

Exhibit E: The ward DID stage an elaborate presentation on cleaning the church building. This made the lapse of judgment resulting in Exhibit D all the more distressing.

It's not bloody every Sunday, but it happens often enough to vex my soul and mess with my spiritual equilibrium. I often spend and/or leave church hopping mad, gnashing my teeth in frustration or limply hopeless. Easter propelled me to outrage.

I want to contribute something good to the ward through my service, my presence or by being able to offer another perspective. But then something exhibit-level icky happens and I'm left feeling bludgeoned.

Spiritually, it's worse than the summer I worked for the church magazines. I wouldn't say it's affecting my testimony per se, but I am less enthusiastic about participating in ward life.