OK, that is a bit harsh. But my feelings about this new ward run such a gamut, it makes me wonder: Is it me? Or is it them? In all likelihood, both. Here are some of the contributing experiences:
Exhibit A: I'm called to be RS secretary. En route to my first weeknight presidency meeting, the education counselor (in Sunday garb) indirectly chides me for wearing pants. It didn't remotely occur to me that there was a dress code. Later the RS president explained Sunday dress is necessary in case we go visiting less active sisters after our meeting.
I get the feeling that appearance trumps substance and feel angsty/resentful about compulsory church attire. To date, we've NEVER gone visiting after a presidency meeting and after a while, everyone else started wearing pants.
Exhibit B: I try to start a book group with the church ladies. Only one shows up to the first meeting. We hammer out a 3-month reading schedule and I send it out. The RS president shows up on my doorstep because she's "concerned" about the first selection (Memoirs of Geisha). She's never read it herself, but that doesn't stop her from discussing her concerns with the bishop--oh, and then with me.
Rather than be micromanaged by people who 1) don't attend book group, 2) can't appreciate the literary merit of books they have not read themselves or 3) advocate reading "approved" literature (meaning Deseret Books), I opted to disaffiliate book group from RS. The group is open to church ladies but I'm not supposed to publicize book group at church or in the RS newsletter or calendar.
Exhibit C: The ward bars the doors and no one is allowed in the chapel after the sacrament hymn starts. I've never attended a ward that slams the doors on latecomers without sending sacrament passers out to the lobby.
I've been on both sides of the chapel doors and I think it's an atrocious practice. Not only does it penalize the late arrivals but it is profoundly unChristlike.
Exhibit D: Despite instructions from SLC, the ward has fast & testimony meeting on Easter Sunday with no Easter music, no Easter speakers, precious little acknowledgement and no apology. After 9 years of amazing Easter programs in Pasadena Ward, this was seriously depressing.
Exhibit E: The ward DID stage an elaborate presentation on cleaning the church building. This made the lapse of judgment resulting in Exhibit D all the more distressing.
It's not bloody every Sunday, but it happens often enough to vex my soul and mess with my spiritual equilibrium. I often spend and/or leave church hopping mad, gnashing my teeth in frustration or limply hopeless. Easter propelled me to outrage.
I want to contribute something good to the ward through my service, my presence or by being able to offer another perspective. But then something exhibit-level icky happens and I'm left feeling bludgeoned.
Spiritually, it's worse than the summer I worked for the church magazines. I wouldn't say it's affecting my testimony per se, but I am less enthusiastic about participating in ward life.
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10 comments:
Do you "lock" your posts, ie restrict access, in case anyone from your ward comes across your blog?
I know I'm a big beyotch, but I wouldn't care if the ward members saw it. They're being lame, in ME's opinion (and mine, of course, but that is beyond irrelevant), and she's certainly free to say so.
Also, pants ARE appropriate church attire. ME, you're among some serious orthodox/orthoprax folks. Could be a tough road a lot of the time.
Hugs.
"Exhibit C: The ward bars the doors and no one is allowed in the chapel after the sacrament hymn starts. I've never attended a ward that slams the doors on latecomers without sending sacrament passers out to the lobby."
I have. In Utah, we were visiting Russell's brother's ward, and one of the girls had to go to the bathroom. At the beginning of the sacrament hymn. I figure we can make it, dash out, dash back, and wham. The doors are locked. I'm upset, the kid doesn't know what the heck's going on (why can't we go sit down mom?). And, to boot, they don't do the whole sacrament in the lobby thing. So, I missed the sacrament because my kid had to pee. Pissed me off.
Oh, and in our current ward, they don't lock the doors, but if you're not in the chapel for the sacrament, you don't get it. So, if you're nursing, or you've got a crying kid, you're penalized. I tend to let my kids cry during the sacrament so I can take it.
I'm with Di on this one. It's not like you've written, "I think Gordon B. Hinckley is a blithering idiot who doesn't understand the meaning of Easter."
Letter of the Law Mormons are the worst and it sounds like you're living a ward full of them. I don't know how you do, but I really admire that you do.
As for your testimony, you raise an interesting point. My guess would be, your testimony of theological elements is solid (i.e. divinity of God, salvific purpose of Jesus Christ, power of prayer, etc.). It's your testimony of the Church as a culture and way of life that is taking a beating. My guess is, you have a solid testimony. What isn't so solid is your sense of devotion to the inane.
I haven't given out this blog's coordinates to anyone local. Not concerned on that account.
One woman comes to church meetings in pants--a nurse coming off a 12-hour night shift.
My theory is the farther people are from SLC, the more they try to out-orthodox Utah Mormons. With results uncomfortable to a California Mormon like myself.
Can't fathom why wards get into various door-barring and sacrament-withholding routines. No one should have to make the trade between crying child or a full bladder and getting to take the sacrament, IMO. Aren't they still taking the sacrament to shut-ins? So why not to the shut-outs in the lobby?
Could chalk it up to locals who haven't lived elsewhere and/or aren't open to new ideas the transplants have.
In CA, no one gave a rat's ass what you were wearing; they were thrilled if you showed up. And Janet's summary is perfect: I don't have a testimony of the inane. And my patience is thinning for those who do.
Ms. Di -that's a bold statement coming from one who had an anonymous blog to kvetch about co-workers - somehow its much funner to go on about how lame everyone else is if you know only your fans are reading - and not everyone else.
Ms Heather - I didn't have an anonymous blog to kvetch about people at work. I had an online journal (to which I gave the address to only five or six people who I felt might be able to offer me some support when it was desperately needed, not be my 'fans') to survive days that were sometimes frighteningly close to hopeless and suicidal. That blog is no longer in existence, but I assure you that there were VERY few people from work talked about in there, and none of it was humorous takes on people or poking fun in any way. Rather, it was comprised of my own attempts to figure things out and try to keep my head above water. I didn't make hay off of anyone on that blog.
If my livelihood (and therefore that of my family) hadn't been at stake, I assure you I would have been quite direct with people who were being assholes to me. I have zero preference for bitching about people behind their backs. I'm more of an 'in your face' kinda gal...the kind who is hopefully learning to be less aggressive about saying directly what I think and feel.
Sometimes there is little choice involved in the matter, pragmatically speaking.
I think the same is true for people who value their church membership and therefore have to toe certain lines (depending on bishop/SP and location) to keep what they value (ie, membership in good standing, family relationships, etc.). As always, one has to be careful to maintain some kind of effective relationship with people who have some authority or influence that impacts things one cares about.
As you know, having lived with me during some trying mormon times (for me), I am well capable of speaking my mind AND living with the consequences, when those consequences are not beyond the limits of what I'm willing to deal with.
Anyhow, the reason I don't fault ME for her blog postings is because I know what it's like to be away from anything that feels remotely like home, in a new situation, surrounded by unfamiliar and often non-friendly/welcoming people, adrift at sea in a lot of ways. You gotta do what you gotta do in order to make it through.
My dear Di-
Please see your email for my follow up.
xoxo, HER
Ah, HER wrote me a lovely email, and then I did likewise...and all's well that ends well...even after I pop open my big virtual mouth a bit too often. ;-)
Thanks for hosting my emotional reactions so frequently, ME!
"My theory is the farther people are from SLC, the more they try to out-orthodox Utah Mormons. With results uncomfortable to a California Mormon like myself."
Heh. Either that, or they completely throw out the rule book because Utah's too far away, and they don't know what's going on out here. True story.
My sister often said, after her mission: the church is true, it's just more true in some spots than in others. (Particularly a couple wards on her mission.)
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